Transparency is scary.

We had an opportunity to attend a conference at our old church this week, and it truly changed my perspective about everything in my life that was discouraging me so. We have been struggling to understand so many things about why one of our children has struggled so much this year. Many things are becoming clearer about all of the things that have contributed to this struggle since August. It all came crashing down on Thursday when the child went into a serious crisis mode. It started with our need to load up into the car to pick up the bigger kids from school. Things got so out of control that we ended up at a facility that specializes in dealing with kids in crisis. Our family? In a facility for troubled kids? This is not the plan I had envisioned for my life, God. What is happening here? The person who was still in the office working late happened to be, (no coincidences here), someone I know very well, and God used her to pray peace over me and settle me down, so that I could help our child to regain control. She gave me lots of options and phone numbers that we could call to get some professional help. I never made those calls, but just knowing I had the numbers was comforting. Our other children have been traumatized by the escalating raging and threats toward them. I promised them that we were not coming back until it was safe. Scott's mom witnessed it for the first time, after 3 1/2 years of us dealing with this alone. It was a good thing for her to see and understand. But it made it all the more 'real'. Grandma was scared too, that was hard for us to see.


At the same time, I was invited by a dear, sweet, Godly, Titus woman to attend the Wellspring conference. I learned so much about God's will for us, and His desire to heal all of our emotional and physical ailments. I knew after the first session that I would not be able to give up when things get too difficult. We prayed and repented of wanting to be in control of things in life, and told God that we would trust Him with all things. We prayed over each and every difficult thing that anybody in the group was faced with. God put me next to a woman who suffered from many abuses in her life at the hands of her parents. She shared with me about what it is like to be an adult who has survived a childhood of abuse, and neglect, and shame, and abandonment and rejection. She was the adult version of our child. She cried when I told her our story. She repeated that it is not our child's fault that these things happened. There would be no more questions or confusion in my mind. Her life story convinced me that the damage would only be worsened with MORE rejection, something I already knew, and feared. I would not walk away, even though I was so weary and wanted to run away from the problem as fast as my legs would take me.

Parenting is not easy, nor is it for amateurs. We have felt so inadequate. We tried to shoulder the burden of figuring out traumatized and fearful children on our own. We prayed about and for our kids, but we had not repented of the sin of not trusting God to answer our prayers in the way that we hoped He would answer.


The conference ended on Wednesday night. Today we received an email telling us to prepare ourselves to receive a court decree from Liberia, that makes Mary our daughter. There is no doubt in my mind that God was waiting for us to acknowledge HIS power and His presence in our lives. We have NEVER been alone in these struggles to help our toughest kids to trust and accept our family's love. I feel that God has confirmed to me that we ARE the parents He chose for each of these children, and that even if we made mistakes, HE was going to redeem all of this and use it for HIS good and perfect will and plan.


Thank you JESUS!!! May YOU be glorified in all of our struggles and victories. I am finally ready, show me the next chapter in the adventure You are writing for our family.


I trust YOU and YOU alone.