Floundering, questioning, pondering........praying!!!

Okay, so maybe this mom is not cut out for the rigors of having our kids back in a public school.........

The kids are doing great! They are unaware of all of the subtle things that are really starting to unnerve me........am I being too sensitive? Am I being overprotective? Does it matter? What really matters is that I am comfortable with the education my children are receiving, and so far, it has been awesome! The education they are getting has been more than adequate.

It is the other stuff that goes along with being in a system that ignores God, and a curriculum that finds it acceptable to introduce my children to things I have worked so hard to protect them from that I would dare to question.

They don't read 'real' books, but they read little paper copies of 'books' for their reading curriculum. So far we have had stories with magic and spells and I am sure it has something to do with this time of year. I have no problem with Halloween, per se. My kids dress up in their costumes, and we go to a party put on by a local church where they play games and get lots of candy. I have enjoyed watching them 'be kids' at Halloween. We just carved our pumpkins last night, and they are really excited about today!

Today at school it is "Literature Day" ......so I had to go out in search of books that had a character in them that my children could portray in costume today. They will parade around the school in costumes that depict a character from a book, all the while, holding the book for everyone to see. I am not the most creative momma when it comes to costumes, and my kids had already chosen their costumes before we got the memo that said that we would be celebrating 'Literature Day.' Ugh.

Recently two of our children have been diagnosed with a visual processing disorder. They are both working below grade level in reading, and I had guessed that one of them was dyslexic, but after further testing at an office that is an hour's drive from our home, we learned that our children will require 'vision therapy' once a week for the next NINE months. We can retrain their eyes so that they will relearn the way that they see to read and write. The testing alone was not inexpensive. Have no clue what the 'therapy' will cost, and it is not covered by our insurance, of course. None of this matters if this therapy will help enable our kids to function better for the rest of their lives! We will do whatever is necessary to help our kids to succeed.

My kids have missed a lot of school just to get this diagnosis. When I went into the classroom today at the end of the day to turn in homework to the teacher, she was not very receptive to the idea that my kids would likely be missing an entire day of school every week for this questionable therapy. She gave me her opinion, from "A teacher's standpoint" letting me know that my children who are not working at 'grade level' cannot afford to miss an entire day of school per week from now until the end of the school year...........

The KICKER! When Whitney arrived home from school, after going back to finish the day for the last two hours at her teacher's insistence, here is what she said, "MOM! We got to play games on the computer, and then we watched the movie "Brother Bear", and then we got an EXTRA recess!! We had so much FUN!!"

I am so conflicted. Wish there were more hours in the day so that I could bring them back home again. Just don't feel confident in our ability to accomplish enough if we tried. The dynamics here are not conducive to learning right now. I have lost my block of time in the afternoons when we have 3 sleeping little ones, as the baby is not a good napper! The bigger kids are still too young to work independently on their own. One day at a time........God will show me His plan. He will show me what HE is going to do, and I will trust and obey!

From my Hand in Hand Devotional Calendar for today:

I found the sun for me this morning.
I thank You, Lord.
I found the warm water in the shower.
I praise You.
I found the bread in my kitchen this morning.
Lord, I thank You.
I found the fresh air as I stood outside the door.
I praise You.
For all that I see that You do for me, I thank You.
For all that I do not see that You do for me,
I praise You.

Christopher De Vince

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,
letus be thankful,
and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe.
Hebrews 12:25 NIV