Anniversary Grief?
When I first read about this, I thought that it was ridiculous. How can a child know that it is nearing the time of year that they lost their birthfamily and joined a new adoptive/foster family? Why do there have to be so many things to struggle with as we help our children to endure all that they have experienced? Why do some kids have to fight so hard to get past this, and others seem to be so resillient?
Now that we are the parents of two children who were adopted as toddlers, and who lost their first families at 11 months of age, and 2 years 4 months of age, I am a firm believer in this theory. Unfortunately, our kids' anniversaries are just a month apart, and coincide with the beginning of the school year. It is rough. Every year. Especially rough this year! Why? Why after 4 years and 3 1/2 years respectively, do they still grieve and struggle and regress every year at this time? It is remarkable. I have read that even our cells have memory, and that we can experience sadness or despair over any loss that we have experienced, even if it is not something that we are aware of, or have clear memories of. The sadness takes hold before we even realize what is happening. Our kids were too young to have specific memories of what traumatized them early on, but it affects them a great deal. We are finally starting to come out of this rough period. It is rough, as the older they get, the more difficult the behaviors become, and the harder it is as a parent to wrap your mind around this PTSD type of response. These poor kids hold the pain of their losses so deeply inside, and it seems so unfair that they must endure this. It goes away almost as suddenly as it appears, and we will soon be back to normal, and life as usual. We thank God for His provision as He carries us all through this rough couple of months. He is GOOD!
When I first read about this, I thought that it was ridiculous. How can a child know that it is nearing the time of year that they lost their birthfamily and joined a new adoptive/foster family? Why do there have to be so many things to struggle with as we help our children to endure all that they have experienced? Why do some kids have to fight so hard to get past this, and others seem to be so resillient?
Now that we are the parents of two children who were adopted as toddlers, and who lost their first families at 11 months of age, and 2 years 4 months of age, I am a firm believer in this theory. Unfortunately, our kids' anniversaries are just a month apart, and coincide with the beginning of the school year. It is rough. Every year. Especially rough this year! Why? Why after 4 years and 3 1/2 years respectively, do they still grieve and struggle and regress every year at this time? It is remarkable. I have read that even our cells have memory, and that we can experience sadness or despair over any loss that we have experienced, even if it is not something that we are aware of, or have clear memories of. The sadness takes hold before we even realize what is happening. Our kids were too young to have specific memories of what traumatized them early on, but it affects them a great deal. We are finally starting to come out of this rough period. It is rough, as the older they get, the more difficult the behaviors become, and the harder it is as a parent to wrap your mind around this PTSD type of response. These poor kids hold the pain of their losses so deeply inside, and it seems so unfair that they must endure this. It goes away almost as suddenly as it appears, and we will soon be back to normal, and life as usual. We thank God for His provision as He carries us all through this rough couple of months. He is GOOD!
1 comment:
Interesting. I never heard of this.
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